The Last Jedi

Hey, remember that time when they killed off Superman? Or replaced Batman with some darker and edgier twerp? Or that time when Dan Slott totally ripped off J.M. DeMatteis and replaced Peter Parker with Doc Ock? You remember how those stunts totally changed comic books forever, right?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Today we’re discussing Luke Skywalker, the Last Jedi Until He Trains Rey To Follow In Her Father’s Footsteps!

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The Monster Under Your Bed Has A Name

And that name is Snoke! Yes weirdos and gentlefreaks, we are going to be talking about Snoke, easily one of the creepiest, nastiest, vilest monsters that have ever crawled out of the Dark Side in Star Wars. And yet, easily one of the most consistently dismissed, in favour of his freakin’ pawns. Today, we are going to try and correct that little self-delusion.

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For the love of Finn!

Happy Ripoff Day, everybody! How are we today? Already dreading the endless turkey sandwiches? Excellent, that’s what you get for ripping off a Canadian holiday.

But I’m not solely here to berate you about American’s inferiority complex. No, today I want to talk about Finn. You know, the Deuteragonist of the Sequels? The only on-film stormtrooper with a conscience? The best shot in the galaxy, second only to Han?

Yeah, that guy. Join me under the cut!

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Rey’s Parentage

I’m going to be straight with you: I’m dead fucking tired of Kylo Ren. Tumblr is obsessed with the character. A character who doesn’t sell merchandise, a character who really only exists to help advance other characters arcs. I wouldn’t go so far as to call him totally irrelevant, but he’s nowhere near as important as the entirety of Tumblr would tell you.

So today, I’m going to talk about something that actually fucking matters to Star Wars: Rey’s parentage.

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