I know this is rather later than I promised, but I think it’s worth it. A ton of new teases concerning Rey have come up in the last few weeks, and though they haven’t altered my overall view of the situation, they are fun to think about.
So, let’s jump under the cut to about the (current) last Jedi!
The Rise of Skywalker
Right, let’s start with that title. There’s a few major problems with it:
- Luke Skywalker, the last known person who’s relevant to the franchise with that name, is dead. As in, deader than a doorknail. As in, he’s been inhumed. As in, the Lazarus Pits couldn’t bring his dead Jedi ass back.
- Leia, the only other living descendant of Anakin Skywalker who isn’t a complete asshole, is almost certainly going to die in this movie (RIP, Carrie) and never took up the Skywalker name. So she’s out.
- And that brings us to nobody’s favourite looney fan, Kylo Ren! Ren can’t be the Skywalker in the title for a few reasons:
- He’s only interested in Darth Vader’s legacy, not Anakin Skywalker’s.
- Like his mother, he hasn’t taken the Skywalker name. Kylo prefers to be called, well, Kylo Ren. And all the people who realize he’s being a self-absorbed idiot call him Ben Solo.
- He’s probably going to die in this movie, too.
So that leaves us with a big question: who is this Skywalker that’s supposedly rising?
Rey. It’s Rey. Either by adoption or secret heritage, Rey is the easiest to bring into the Skywalker legacy, so it’s gonna be her.
And Finn by marriage, obviously. But that’s a different point.
We’ve Passed On All We Know…
As far as The Last Jedi is concerned, Luke is lying his ass off here. Luke didn’t pass on shit to Rey.
So J.J. is going to be doing some retconning. But, eh, probably not that much. In this case, it will be done through the time skip: Luke and Rey will have patched things up after TLJ and Luke will have actually trained Rey somewhat.
I’m not sure that even counts as a retcon, now that I think about it.
They Were Junk Dealers
Riiight. That one’s gonna get retconned, and again J.J. won’t have to do much of retconning to make it work. Rian left enough holes in that plot point you could drive the entire U.S. army through it. To wit:
- First, it’s Kylo Ren badgering Rey all the way through the scene. Rey does not come to the conclusion through her own journey, it’s more or less Kylo forcing her to say her parents were nobodies.
- Secondly, it’s Kylo Ren who says they were junk dealers who sold Rey off for booze money… and he does it while conspicuously looking away from Rey’s face.
- Third, Kylo’s description of events contradicts what we were shown in TFA, namely that Rey gets left behind with Unkar Plutt and whoever left her there flies away in a shiny chrome spaceship. Not exactly the vehicle of choice for piss-poor drunkards, eh?
- Rian says outright that Kylo Ren was telling the truth… as far as he knew it. Not the absolute truth, just that Kylo wasn’t deliberately lying to Rey. But that doesn’t mean he knows the whole of what went on.
- This also ties into Rian’s stated intention for the plot point: to bring up Rey’s worst fear, to hit her at the lowest possible spot. Rian does not appear to ever have intended Rey’s parentage reveal as an absolute, hard fact; he just wanted to spook Rey. That’s also probably why he doesn’t care what J.J. does in his movie.
So, if J.J. wants to add Rey to the Skywalker family, he has to do almost zero work. Less, actually, if he just has Luke adopt Rey.
Oh, I have no doubt that that scene is plot important in some fashion. But, this is J.J. Abrams here. Mister I Can’t Break Formula To Save My Life.
Having the hero turn to the Dark Side is just not something he’s capable of.
I do hope she keeps that reticulated lightsaber, though. That was fucking cool.
Rey vs. Kylo Ren! Again.
Welcome to the most boring title match in Star Wars history.
Rey, going into the battle, has one victory and one tie.
Kylo Ren has one loss and one tie.
Sigh. There’s no tension here. Kylo Ren is a loser, good at killing trash mobs and fuck all else. The first faux action guy, I guess?
Rey’s going to beat his ass. Palpatine is going to bitch slap him. Poe, just to add insult to injury, will probably outfly him, too.
Hopefully J.J. will make it quick. Or fob him off to Finn, who’s missing a final boss in this movie and would be a little more interesting than Rey vs Kylo.
I mean, Finn will still beat his loser ass. But at least we could pretend to be interested.
Rey/Finn vs Finn/Rose vs Finn/Jannah
You guys think way too small.
OT4, dudes. It’s the only way to go.
Likely? No. But much, much better than shipping wars.
That’s it for today, guys. I’ll see you next week.