A Rant on Superhero Costumes; Or Why All Modern Costumes Suck.

So Netherrealm Studios has been promising to add in hoods for Green Arrow aka Oliver Queen into Injustice 2. There is no expressing the degree to which this pisses me off, but I thought I would share my thoughts on the terrible state of superhero costumes with you.

Join me under the cut!

Superman!

  1. The removal of the red shorts in the DCEU, Injustice 2 and most comics since the New 52. It’s back, and that’s a good thing. Here’s why taking it out is wrong:
    1. Circus performers wore shorts over their tights for a reason. Their extreme athleticism pushed the limits of what clothing was capable of at the time, requiring additional reinforcement. Hence the shorts. Even with spandex today, Superman’s feats go way past the limits of clothing. He needs the additional support.
    2. It breaks up the colour scheme. With the lack of shorts, Superman is basically all blue on the front. It looks weird, and has the unintentional effect of drawing more attention to Superman’s crotch than the shorts ever did.

Batman!

  1. The shorts. Same problem as Superman above.
  2. The bat emblem. What the fuck is he wearing these days? A bat with a yellow outline! No! That’s fucking ugly.
    1. Acceptable Bat Emblems are either a plain black silhouette against a grey bodysuit or a black silhouette on a yellow background (not outlined in yellow!) on a grey bodysuit.
    2. And the black-on-yellow emblem is still better.
    3. Why? Because it breaks up the colour scheme!

Wonder Woman!

  1. Diana, admittedly, has a costume problem. So here are a few rules:
    1. The lower portion is not a thong. Ever
    2. If you’re going to give her a skirt, make it look like a skirt actual warriors in history wore. There’s a zillion cultures out there that wore skirts as part of their battle gear, I’m sure you can find one that works for Diana!
    3. Red, blue, gold, and white stars are not exclusively American symbols. Don’t be afraid to use them.
    4. If you’re gonna give her pants, that’s fine. Nothing wrong with pants. But for Godzilla’s sake, draw them better than Jim Lee or the guys at Injustice 2!

Catwoman!

  1. No goddamned boob socks or half-zipped catsuits, please.
  2. Give her a utility belt.
  3. Darwyn Cooke, who could actually fucking draw, drew the black catsuit as reasonably bulky and not so form fitting. Please remember that.
  4. Purple catsuit is fine, with the same caveats as the black one.
  5. B:TAS used a grey castuit for three seasons. Check it out.
  6. No fucking heels!

Supergirl!

  1. Don’t make the lower part of her costume look like red panties.
  2. A leotard is fine. Resist the urge to over-sexualize or detail it. It’s a leotard, leave it alone.
  3. If you’re gonna give her pants, same problem as Wonder Woman.
  4. If you’re gonna give her a skirt, make it red and give her tights underneath. Red to break up the colour scheme and tights to prevent panty shots.
  5. If she’s got long hair, braid it.

Black Canary!

  1. No heels.
  2. If you’re gonna give her fishnets, consider making them leather pants that look like fishnets. More practical without scrapping Dinah’s traditional look.
  3. The bodysuit is not a thong.

Green Arrow!

  1. The dude wears a bycocket. Why? ‘Cause he’s based off of Robin Hood!
  2. No fucking hoods. Hoods are lame and impractical. Don’t use them.

Harley Quinn!

  1. Undeniably, the one that pisses me off the most.
  2. She’s a fucking harlequinn! Ergo, maybe she should wear an outfit that looks like a fucking harlequinn!
  3. This includes a:
    1. Cap and bells.
    2. A bodysuit with alternating red and black parts.
  4. Not this fucking stripper nonsense!

There we go, that’s my rant on superhero costumes. There will probably be more as time goes on.

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